IBfT is pleased to welcome First Lady Laura Bush, as our very first interviewee.
IBfT: Welcome, Mrs. Bush. Glad to have you. You've been out of the public eye for a while.
Laura: I've been terribly busy arranging George's brain transplant. People don't realize how difficult it is to be president without a functioning brain.
IBfT: How is the search for a new brain coming along?
Laura: As you know, we have very strict requirements for the new brain. For instance, it can't have an IQ any higher than room temperature, otherwise George would lose all that charm that makes his supporters feel he's one of them. Were he to get a smarter brain, and actually start thinking about things, well, we know where that could end up.
IBfT: Pulling out of Iraq, ending tax breaks for the rich, stuff like that?
Laura: And eating French Toast for breakfast again. You know he never ate anything but French Toast for breakfast, until France refused to help us bring peace and freedom to Iraq.
IBfT: Until the President gets that brain transplant, is there anything we, as ordinary people can do?
Laura: Yes, actually. George has misplaced his favorite book, and is frantic about it, so maybe someone who has a copy can send him another.
IBfT: Well, it's good to hear that the President actually reads books. What's it called?
Laura: "The Presidency for Dummies". But no, he doesn't actually read -- he was out playing cowboy when they taught reading at his school. I have to read it to him.
IBfT: Does the President like any other books?
Laura: The Golden Book edition of "Alice in Wonderland". He particularly likes the part where Alice wakes up and finds everything bad that happened was just a dream.
IBfT: Thank you Mrs. Bush.
Well known celebrity Bin "Binny" Laden on his new hit videotape, How to Make Millions Shorting Airline Stock
The late Sen. Barry Goldwater on the true meaning of the term conservative, and how difficult it is to actually roll over in your grave.
and Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist on why conservatives love America, except of course for those Americans who are environmentalists, liberals, Democrats, Muslims,
climatologists, handicapped and who whine about wheelchair access, homeless, balanced budget advocates, atheists, unemployed, immigrants, online poker players, stem cell researchers, from Massachusetts, intellectuals, not regular church-goers, family members of the 911 victims, people who ask embarrassing questions, children on welfare, from New York City, biology teachers, women who want abortions, generals who express opinions, workers worried about offshoring, and, well, basically, anyone who doesn't think like he does.
That's all for now, folks.